On Vulnerability in Decision-making

Credit: Collage art by Julie Liger-Belair, available at julieligerbelair.net

“More the knowledge, lesser the ego. Lesser the knowledge, more the ego.”

-Albert Einstein

Notions & Contemplations

I’ll never forget the first time I asked a question in business school. It was a first semester course called “Data, Modeling, and Decisions,” and, one week in, I was sufficiently lost. There I was, the girl who had avoided math since high-school, sitting amongst some of the world’s brightest minds–nearly all of whom seemed fluent in statistics since birth. They did numbers, I did words. Hello, Imposter Syndrome! 

I don’t know what made me throw my hand up in the air that day: I reckon it was more desperation than bravery. What I do remember is the number of people who approached me after class. Still relative strangers, one person after another thanked me for pausing the fire-hose lecture to ask for clarification. They may not have had the same question I did, but it seemed we all needed a breather.

I can’t remember which mathematical theorem or probability distribution we learned that day, but I do know that the experience left an indelible mark on my personal ethos and modus operandi: don’t ever be afraid to ask the question.

Vulnerability & Decisions

Each of us has to make a thousand decisions every day. Especially in the age of Google, we are supposed to have all the answers at our fingertips. But what happens when we don’t? When we get stuck? The ego, which likes to pretend it knows everything, and our society, which is built on capitalism and competition, are constantly co-conspiring against this fact:vulnerability in decision-making is a strength, not a weakness.

What do I mean byvulnerability in decision-making?Here it is, friends: admitting you don’t have the answer and asking for help in finding it. 

If you follow the research of social science phenom Dr. Brene Brown, you may be familiar with her definition of vulnerability as “uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure.” Allow me to elaborate:

• Vulnerability is leaning into uncertainty, which our brains DO NOT like. AT ALL. (See the brilliant work of Dr. Arabella Simpkin Begin for the cold, hard science on this topic.)

• Vulnerability is taking the risk of others seeing the truth: you don’t actually know it all. (Recall from last month: I am just one person with one perspective…I can’t possibly know it all.)

• Vulnerability is exposing the ego to feedback, which (in my humble experience) it doesn’t like much. 
  

Vulnerability as an Invitation

So, yeah, not an easy move for any of us humans, especially in the workplace where we often experience the pressure of patriarchal, white-dominant standards of performance. But as with the appreciation ofhow bias limits our perspective, vulnerability in decision-making is an invitation to a more authentic exchange of information–and thereby a stronger outcome. In Dr. Brown’s words “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.” It allows us to find and fill the holes together as we build the path forward.

Caveats for Vulnerability When Dealing with and Being a Human

Of course, personal or professional vulnerability is not for the faint of heart, nor is it always safe. Before letting down our guard, we need to know that those around us will respect our moment[s] of exposure. Cue psychological safety (more on that soon).

Vulnerability in decision-making is also most productive when we are grounded in a sense of self-worth that doesn’t begin or end with being the smartest one in the room. We have to be comfortable with Knowing What We Don’t Know–and, critically, comfortable with others Knowing We Don’t Know. Easier said than done, right? Thanks again, ego and western society! 

The good news, according to scientists like Dr. Brown and Dr. Begin, is that we can shift our totally human reactions to uncertainty AND we can get better at being vulnerable. How, you ask? Well, my friends, it takes practice. We have to shift our mental model away from the illusion of certainty and the shame of not knowing. Instead, we can embrace the power of seeking answers outside of ourselves. In doing so, we create space for others to do the same and, ultimately…wait for it…make better decisions!

Does this month’s contemplation resonate and/or bring up questions for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts! 

It is hard to articulate the impact that Quinetha “Que” Frasier has had on my life. Friend, Teacher, Business Partner, and Co-conspirator, Que is a proud daughter of the Gullah Geechee community, co-founder of the Southern Equity Collective, and founder of the Global Foundation for Education and Economic Mobility (GFEEM).

Watch her 20-minute talk on “honoring our sovereignty” for the jolt of energy, perspective, and wisdom you didn’t know you needed.