On Transitions

We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.

-Maya Angelou

Notions & Contemplations

The September Shift

September has always been a month of transition. There are, of course, the usual collective shifts: calendars packed with the rush of post-summer, pre-holiday meetings and obligations; for students, the beginning of a new grade or semester; and, for many of us, a heightened sense of urgency as we yomp towards the end of another year. In the northern hemisphere, September also brings the Autumnal Equinox, this year falling on September 22nd, when day and night are of equal length.

Personally, the September shift has often echoed at a deeper level: the transition from one life chapter to another, points at which I can clearly mark a “before” and an “after.” It was in September of 2010 that I joined my mom and sister on a spiritual pilgrimage to Bhutan, a tiny Buddhist nation nestled between China and India in the Himalayas, and returned with a deeper understanding of self and society that continues to guide me today. In September 2019, I took the seemingly precarious leap of building my consulting practice full-time. And this month, in what is perhaps my biggest professional transition yet, I am embracing my new reality as a working mom.

“Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (Turn and face the strange)”

It is a fact of life that we’re all in the midst of a change, all the time. Still, some transitions come more naturally than others. Whether a long time coming or an unexpected turn of events, the hardest transitions are those that we don’t take the time to acknowledge or process. Caught up in the momentum of our lives, we move from one chapter to the next (or from one identity to another) without appreciating the end of the old, the beginning of the new, or the uncomfortable in-between.

“Change is situational,” wrote the late William Bridges, author of Transitions. “Transition, on the other hand, is psychological. It is not those events, but rather the inner reorientation or self-redefinition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life. Without a transition, a change is just a rearrangement of the furniture.” When we don’t “face the strange” and internalize what, why, and how things are changing, we run the risk of extending our suffering by holding on to the past rather than accepting the present.

The Power of Ritual

Whereas faith traditions and wisdom practices offer regular moments of reflection (e.g. a Shabbat dinner or a Sunday Eucharist), those of us operating in the secular realm often lack access to the rituals that facilitate fruitful transitions. Instead we barrel through, often repressing the very natural grief of leaving something behind, the anxiety of the unknown, or the anticipation of stepping into something new.

Fortunately, we can create rituals for ourselves that help us see change as “not just a crisis but an initiation into a new consciousness, identity, and way of life,” says Atum O’Kane, Ph.d., founder and director of the Spiritual Guidance Wisdom School. By ritualizing a transition, we can sort through the mixed feelings associated with change and anchor ourselves in the midst of shifting sands.

For example, I like to come up with a creative name for the chapter I’m closing and the one that I’m moving towards, giving my brain a shortcut as I move through the ritual. Then, I take a couple of moments to reflect:

• What am I mourning as I close this chapter?

• What aspects of the closing chapter do I want to leave behind as I move forward?

• What gifts or lessons did I receive from the chapter that is closing?

• Which of those gifts will I carry with me into the chapter I’m beginning?

Sometimes I write the answers down and burn them (in a safe environment) as a symbolic gesture; in the past I’ve also created a vision board for the next chapter by cutting images out of magazines lying around the house. Either way, a transition ritual of my own making helps me get grounded, generate powerful intentions for what’s next, and accept one of the greatest (and hardest) truths: change is the only constant in life.

What transition can you identify in your life right now? How might a simple ritual help you settle into your current chapter, move on from the last, or prepare for the next?

Onward,

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On My Kindle + Feed + Calendar

Earlier this month, I had the great fortune of experiencing two remarkable performances in one weekend, each of conjuring the soul-stirring magic that only music can bring:

• The Tony Award winning musical, Suffs, needs to be required viewing for every American, and certainly for every little girl. It is a brilliant historical recounting of the visionary, courageous, multi-generational suffragists who beckon us to “Keep Marching” (seriously, you gotta read these lyrics, they could not be more timely!)

  
  

• Jon Batiste, Jon Batiste, Jon Batiste. While his 2024 tour just ended, you can catch his genre-spanning, spirit-soaring tunes anywhere you listen to music. And if you’re like me, you can use his lyrics as daily mantras:

• Speaking of Jon, don’t miss his exceptional partner Suleika’s recent post on “Hot Peppers & Radical Acceptance.” More than anyone I know, Suleika is modeling how to acknowledge, and live with, transitions. If you’re in the NY area, catch her art show, “The Alchemy of Blood,” featuring work by Suleika and her mother, Anne Francey.