On Seeing...& Not Seeing

Credit: David Shrigley

The desire to reach for the stars is ambitious. The desire to reach hearts is wise. 

-Maya Angelou

Notions & Contemplations

I remember the first time I witnessed the healing power of empathy. I was serving as a translator formy grandfather, a general surgeon, in the mountains of Nicaragua as he consulted with a patient about his age. The gentleman, whose wrinkled face conveyed both pain and wisdom, spoke of his aches–and of his fears. My grandfather listened, looked into his eyes, and took his hand: “I understand. Life is too hard.” Instantly, the lightness that comes from genuine recognition lifted the patient’s spirits. While he did not need medical intervention that day, he did need someone to see and honor his particular place in the world. 

We See From Where We Stand

Last month, I introduced the concept ofproductive empathy: the practice of shifting our behavior based on our understanding of another’s perspective. There’s one very real, immutable truth that makes this practice so important:we can only see from where we stand. 

For example: I, Caroline Parker Mauldin, am one person, with one set of eyes, and one series of experiences, all of which have been informed by my identity as a white, cis-gendered, hetero, economically-privileged woman. I can only see the world through the prism of my kaleidoscope, which makes my perspective inherently biased. And I am not alone: if you are human, you have bias. No shame, or blame, in that game. 

Acknowledging & Minimizing Bias

Where we canimproveour game–in the workplace and the world–is acknowledging our biases and how they inherently limit our perspectives. 

There is power in the revelation that I cannot see things exactly as you see them. It opens a door to curiosity: What am I missing? How might my position asThe Only Human On The Planet Just Like Mebe informing my interpretation of events? Further, how might another’s position asThe Only Human On The Planet Just Like Themwiden my aperture and help me make better decisions/opinions/connections?

Once I recognize the limitations of my perspective, I am all the more motivated to engage in productive empathy. I can move from defensive of my position to inquisitive of theirs; from “I havetheanswer” to “I haveananswer…aaaaand it’s probably an incomplete one.” 

“But,Caroline,” you might be thinking, “won’t I seem inadequate if I admit my bias and acknowledge the limitations of my view?” Inadequacy be damned, I say! The world needs more people who are willing to share such vulnerability, to genuinely acknowledge our particular place in the world, much like my Grandfather and his Nicaraguan patient. 

The Real Path to Happily Ever After

In sum, here’s my most fervent hope for all of us as we face divergent opinions:

1. We acknowledge that we are each operating from different perspectives, informed and limited by our respective identities, experiences, fears, and dreams. 

2. We work to minimize our biases, widen our apertures, and deepen our understanding of one another by engaging with curiosity, without judgment. 

3. We repeat steps 1 & 2 indefinitely and live happily ever after. 

Next month, more on vulnerability and decision-making–because those go together, right?!

On My Kindle + Feed + Calendar

As you can probably tell, I’m fascinated by how we as humans can better interact with one another. We’re all at various stages of figuring it out, and we all need teachers along the way. Here are two I admire:

adrienne maree brown’s liberatory wisdom is a piercing, loving tonic in a world that is doing its damndest to keep us in mental cages. Come for her meme curation, stay for her Murmurations, including her latest, “Love Looks Like Accountability.” So. Dang. Good.

Clarity & Connection

Yung Pueblo’s book, Clarity + Connection, should be required reading for anyone in a relationship (aka anyone with a pulse), and I’m sooo looking forward to his next book, Lighter, which comes out in October. Follow him on insta for an immediate dose of the goodness. 

And last but not least: an instant pick-me-up, because who doesn’t need one…all the time?  Play this song, turn up the volume, and just TRY not to dance! It’s 3 minutes and 47 seconds of unabashed jubilation. H/T to my nephew, Parker, for the recc. (Yes, I know I’m a mere 11 years late to the Rio party.)