On Human Perennials: Performance

Caroline Mauldin
Mar 24, 2024
3 min read

I’ll take one of each, please. Antique Flower Diagram sourced here.

We can relax and float in the direction that the water flows, or we can swim hard against it. If we go with the river, the energy of a thousand mountain streams will be with us.

-Elizabeth Lesser

Notions & Contemplations

The Perennials Have Arrived.

Is there anything better than the first glimpses of Spring? Perennial pockets of green, yellow, and white slowly take over landscapes of gray and brown. Birdsong returns, cold mornings turn to warm afternoons, and we are reminded, once again, that light always follows dark.

Last month, when Winter still reigned and days felt impossibly short, I shared notions and contemplations on the value of checking in — as it turns out, a very popular topic for this community! (My thanks to those of you who took a moment to respond – I always love hearing from you.)

In the months ahead, as daylight happily extends past dinnertime, my monthly contemplations will take the form of recurring (perennial, if you will) topics that come up when checking in with myself or my clients. We’ll talk performance; we’ll dig into inter-personal conflict; and we’ll unpack one of my all-time faves: the dance of prioritization and procrastination. Whether you’re at the height of your professional career, navigating personal obligations, or both, my hope is that the next months’ reflections will feel like mini, virtual check-ins, shedding some light on challenges that, in my experience, bedevil most of us.

The Performance Pickle

Like Spring flowers, the perennial Performance Problem blossoms in many forms. Raise your hand if either of the following statements occasionally ring true for you:

“I’m disappointed in my performance.” (Often followed by “but I don’t want to think/talk about it.”)
“I’m disappointed in someone else’s performance.” (Often followed by “but I don’t know what to do about it.”)

Sound familiar in a stressful sorta way? Thought so. Whether we are judging ourselves or a colleague/friend/family member, we are constantly operating under a set of standards related to performance and behavior. This we cannot escape (as far as I can figure). Where we run into real trouble – or find freedom! – is the degree to which those standards – otherwise known as expectations – are made plain. Let’s break it down.

The Pain Point: “I’m disappointed in my performance [but I don’t want to think/talk about it.]”

The Antidote: Determine where your data is coming from. More specifically, identify whose standards you are assessing yourself against. Then, take one of two paths:

If the standards are self-imposed and the only feedback you have is the voice in your head, take it easy on yourself. We are almost always our own worst critics, and you probably performed better than you’re telling yourself. Without even knowing the specifics, I already know that you are managing a lot, and, chances are, you are doing the best you can.
If the expected standard of performance was set by someone else (e.g. a boss or partner) and you get clear feedback that you didn’t make the mark, own it. You will gain more from proactively learning than hiding. Remember the Jungian idea that there is no failure when consciousness is gained. What can you take from the experience to inform your future performance? Give thanks for the lesson and move on.

“Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also.”

-C.G. Jung

The Pain Point: “I’m disappointed in someone else’s performance [but I don’t know what to do about it].”

The Antidote: Reflect on the extent to which you have made your expectations clear.

First, have you made any assumptions about their understanding of your standards and expectations? In my experience, busy people have a tendency to rely on ESP a bit too much. If that’s the case, take a moment to level-set expectations so that you and the person in question are on the same page.
Second, remember that inquiry need not take the form of conflict: ask the person how they think things are going. Even mildly self-aware humans are often conscious of their underperformance…but they haven’t figured out how to ask for help. By checking in, you disrupt the power dynamic, align expectations, and collect more information to figure out a way forward, together.

As per usual, easier said than done. But hopefully next time you find yourself questioning performance–yours or someone else’s–you’ll dust off this email and find a path through this particular perennial problem. 🌻

Onward,