On Checking In

We all have a lot on our minds. When did you last check in with yourself? Credit: Artwork by Olaf Hajek

The more you sense the rareness and value of your own life, the more you realize that how you use it, how you manifest it, is all your responsibility. We face such a big task, so naturally we sit down for a while.

-Kobun Chino Otogawa Roshi

Notions & Contemplations

Happy Leap Day, friends! On this quadrennial hack of the Gregorian Calendar, I offer the following question: why do we seldom do the things we know are good for us? If you’re anything like me, your 2024 intentions have already mostly fallen by the wayside, including but not limited to more exercise, daily meditation, and generally eating better. I know, down to my very bones, that these things are good for me; and yet the days pass with minutes un-meditated and muscles un-exercised…

Spoiler alert: I don’t have a good answer for this human conundrum. What I do have, somewhat annoyingly, is another meaningful, underutilized behavior to add to the list, and that is: checking in on ourselves.

Taking your [metaphysical] pulse.

Be honest: When was the last time you asked yourself how things are going? The truth is that a proper self-check-in is another practice that gets brushed aside in the name of busyness; while, ironically, like exercise or meditation, it would pay dividends for the rest of our To Do list.

In my work coaching executives across an array of fields, I often start our sessions with one question: “What’s on your mind?” What follows is 30 to 60 minutes of carefully held space. It’s a space for curiosity without judgment, for the asking of good (sometimes tough) questions, and for reflecting on deeply held narratives and behaviors–all with the benefit of added perspective.

Same Intention, Different Paths

I feel enormously honored that my clients trust me to hold this space with them; but the reality is that we don’t always need another person to initiate a solid self-check-in. For many, daily journaling does the trick (see this wonderful practice from writer Elizabeth Gilbert or the beautiful prompts curated by Suleika Jaouad via her Isolation Journals). For others, it may come in the form of a therapy session or a long walk in the woods.

Regardless, the intention is the same–to pause long enough for two things:  

1. Identify those weighty things that are taking up a disproportionate amount of head and/or heartspace, and

2. Discern the way through.

The Professional Coach

If you’re thinking, “Sure, but that’s what my spouse/best friends/colleagues are for,” my response would be: well, sorta. Don’t get me wrong, I could not live without my kitchen cabinet of loved ones and collaborators who are constant sources of guidance on all manner of issues. But when it comes to navigating my thorniest professional pain points, they neither have the time nor the objectivity for adequate grappling. That’s where a great professional coach comes in (in my case, the one and only Ben Kiker).  

Like in sports, a great coach not only forces you to check-in on your mind, body, and spirit, they also help you navigate your weaknesses and build on your strengths. Depending on the circumstances at hand, they can lead you to hard truths, be an accountability partner, or give you the peptalk you need to cross the finish line. With regular self-check-ins, I suspect you’ll find the need for all three.

Practice Makes…Progress

Fortunately, as a coach of others and a recipient of excellent coaching, I can tell you one thing for sure: the practice of checking in on oneself gets easier with time. We can build the muscle to ask ourselves tough questions and lean into anxiety, rather than away from it–ultimately recognizing unhelpful thought and behavior patterns that we learn to anticipate and avoid.

So, on this “extra” day we get every four years, an invitation: Take a pause just long enough to consider… What’s on your mind? What is taking up a disproportionate amount of your head and heart space right now? And how might you create space to see your way through it?

Coming this Spring: an exploration of key themes that emerge from my “check-in” experiences coaching and being coached…

Onward,

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On My Kindle + Feed + Calendar

Active Citizening. Worried about the election? Yeah, me too. Here are two ways that you can use that anxiety as fuel for action:

1. Learn how to organize your neighbors here via the best in the biz, George Goehl (H/T Anand Giridharadas’ The Ink)

2. Donate to local organizing efforts in swing states via the Movement Voter Project here.

Good News for Dark Days. In a moment when it feels like humans will never figure out how to leave an enjoyable (read: inhabitable) Earth for future generations, I am pleased as punch that The Nature Conservancy’s South Carolina chapter has just secured 4400 acres of Mother Nature’s finest lands and waters for posterity. Developers wanted it; conservationists got it. Go, team! (Full disclosure: I am currently chairing the board of TNC’s SC chapter, ergo a very particular sense of pride).

And while we’re talking good news…

More of this, please? Imagine if all billionaires followed Professor Gottesman’s example: “$1 Billion Donation Will Provide Free Tuition at a Bronx Medical School” (NYT, 26 Feb 2024)

True Crime Meets Big Business Meets Environmental Solidarity. Dead River is a new podcast from brilliant biologist and wildlife journalist, Liz Bonnin. In the six-part series, she tells the story of Brazil’s worst environmental disaster, the “profound connection people share with the land along the River Doce,” and their resilience in the face of injustice. Listen here.

A really excellent chart on Managing Complex Change. (H/T the good folks at The Sublime Newsletter)